So please read and comment please. I need to know if I am doing good and where do I need to improve.
Her Birthday Surprise
By Patricia Kellogg
One chilly morning in October, he came early to her house to
surprise her with breakfast. He slipped into her front door without
making a sound. It didn't surprise him to find her still sleeping
soundly. He loved to watch her sleep. She reminded him of an angel,
glimmering and peaceful. He gently bent over her, pulled a strand of
hair out of her face, and kissed her forehead. He left her there to
go prepare breakfast.
After changing into clothes to cook in, because he knew that he
couldn't make it through cooking one meal without getting it all over
his clothes, he swiftly and quietly got to work on making her
About one hour after he arrived, she slowly started to arouse to
the smells of her favorite coffee, caramel mocha, smoky bacon, fried
eggs, freshly squeezed orange juice, and freshly baked biscuits. She
opened her clear, bright blue eyes as the sun shimmered through the
taupe blinds. She quietly lifted the crimson red down feather
comforter and matching top sheet and tiptoed across her bedroom and
cracked the door open. When she peeked out the door, she sight that
she saw took her breath away. He was working tirelessly just to make
her her favorite breakfast in bed.
"I must be the luckiest woman in the world" she thought. She
could see the absolute love in his chocolate brown eyes. She saw him
starting to put the final touches on the tray.
"Okay. All set. Now, time to go change and then," he turned and
spoke to the tray, "you are going to the most beautiful woman in the
world." He turned and headed for the guest bathroom to change back
into the outfit he had worn earlier.
While he was changing, she stared in awe of what she had just
seen. Lost in her own little world, until she heard the guest
bathroom door come open. Suddenly jerked back to reality, she shut
the door and jumped back into her bed. She was so exited she did her
best to pretend to be asleep.
After returning to the kitchen in the black sweater that she
bought for him, his favorite pair of blue jeans, and a pair of simple
black dress shoes, he quickly turned back around to go back to the
guest bathroom. He had forgot to do a few things while he was there
before. He put on a couple of quick sprays of his favorite cologne,
made sure that his mahogany brown curls weren't flying everywhere,
and made sure that the newest charm on his necklace could easily be
seen. It was a small silver butterfly charm that she had just bought
him last week. He knew it wasn't the most manly charm she could have
bought him, but she picked it because butterflies are her favorite
and she wanted him to have a small token to keep with him to remind
him of her. He told her that he didn't need anything to remind him
of her because she was always on his mind. He kissed the charm
before he laid it back down on his chest. Before he left the guest
bathroom the second time, he double checked his face to make sure
that there wasn't anything on it.
He returned to the kitchen to get the tray and head for her
room. He knocked on the door this time. She pretended to stretch
and yawn. He opened the door and said "Surprise! Happy birthday,
Love!" She smiled from ear to ear .
"Mmmm. Is all that for me?" She asked.
Putting on the most innocent looking face, he said, "Well, I was
hoping we could share. It is an awful lot of food." She giggled at
the face he made. He sat the tray down over her lap as she sat up in
her bed. They spent the next half of an hour feeding each other and
talking about the last few days because he had been out of town. "I
brought presents!" he said as he ran out of the room and back just a
quickly with 4 big gift bags.
"Honey, you really didn't have to," she said in a soft and sweet
voice, "but, I'm really happy that you did." As she opened each
gift, he told her the story of how and why he selected each
purchase. When she was done oohing and aahing over gifts, she
pulled him close to her and whispered, "This has been the best
birthday morning ever. Thank you." Then she kissed him.